Rather than sending you all a new “vignette-type” piece, I am sending the text of the beginning of a new season of my podcast Carolyn North Out Loud. The new season will be coming out shortly, and will be ongoing until I’ve told all the stories I can think of! The season, called “CONFESSIONS OF A RENEGADE“ is about Magic in my Life, how it has come to be that I continue to experience these psychic messages, as if from the Universe; the history of these experiences in my life, as well as the on-going Synchronicities that have tended to accompany me over the years. I am attempting to show the way towards an extended perception of the world, through the experiences that keep popping up in my own life, and it has been a wild ride, believe me, and a rather marvelous story. I am letting you all in on the “teachings” as I have experienced them.
These first three stories take me from age 11, to age 15, to age 18. Enjoy them.
Leslie Jackson and I are in the process of recording them now. You can hear the first two seasons of Carolyn North Out Loud wherever you get your podcasts. Season One is a reading of my book, Creation Myths from Around the World, and Season Two is a reading and discussion of Worldshift Happens! May I introduce you all to Leslie—who I call Elf and have known since she was in high school. She’s producing the podcasts. May you all have such a sparkling and competent Elf in your own lives!
CONFESSIONS OF A RENEGADE
Beginning when I was a child, I have had what I recognize as ‘teachings’ presenting themselves in my everyday life, often in extraordinary ways. It is as if I am being shown, incident by incident, another facet of a mysterious to a world we all live in, but not always apparent to many of us.
This ability to ‘see things not yet apparent to others’ or have synchronicities happen as if by magic on a regular basis has not always been welcomed by others, especially those who cannot understand how they happen. (My husband, for example, would shake his head in wonder and call me a ‘witch.’) But despite all this, they have happened, continue to happen on a regular basis and have formed my understanding of how the world works.
Here, I would like to share some of these unexpected moments of vision, illustrating not only what I have seen, but what I have learned through them. By this time in my life, I recognize them as a path of teachings coming from who knows where, and am grateful because I believe they, step by step, have added up to a curriculum in expanded vision that is often referred to as “mystical.” Anyhow, most are rather amusing stories to tell.
Each experience I tell in this podcast is real and unadorned and has actually happened to me, always unexpectedly, in the course of ordinary living. Some I am telling for the first time; others have appeared in print in my books. Many I have never even mentioned to anyone before. This gathering of memories is like an autobiography of my inner world expressing itself through my daily life in our physical world. And now to whoever listens to this podcast.
I agree with you that some of these are rather unbelievable and may sound like fiction – but there you are. The fact is that they are all true, have happened in real time and I have experienced them as unexpected gifts with which I have often been able to significantly help others. Mine is not the only life blessed by my ‘synchronicities.’
I believe my experiences are not particularly special, but are available to all of us if we but allow them in. We all have access to the Mysteries of the world in which we live, for we are all part of the magic that is this world.
AS ABOVE, SO BELOW
I was only 11, a girl roller-skating on the street in Brooklyn with the neighborhood kids when, in a game of chase—the boys after the girls, of course—I tripped and fell flat on my back and was, for a second, stunned breathless with my eyes wide open to the sky and my arms flung to the sides.
In that moment of shock, I saw.
It was as if curtains parted and the whole universe was there before my eyes; I felt it, saw it, knew it. In a flash of insight, my whole body experienced a revelation so profound I knew how the world went together! It was as if I could see it revealed before me in its entirety, and how I fit into it throughout All Space and All Time!
What I saw was indelibly printed upon my consciousness forever; I saw how Space went beyond the borders of my street and all of Brooklyn; how it spread out in every direction of the Universe beyond all sight and sound and land and people, beyond what I could even think of! And that it was always moving and changing, and I would always be part of it!
I saw how it included me and my parents and my little sister, and had always done even before Time began, and before anything had ever gotten born from the tiniest microbe to the biggest giraffe and beyond people and their children and their children’s children. And that I was part of the Whole Thing, forever and ever; In that moment of insight, I knew that I belonged to the whole world, no matter what.
I also knew that I could trust this vision, as it was True. Even if anybody told me I’d made it up, I knew it was True because in that moment I was flooded with so much love for the kids skating over to help me up, that I started to cry. Everything was part of this magic, even East 7th Street in Brooklyn, even the old woman coming out to yell at us for skating near her house. When the kids pulled me to my feet and I found my balance again, catching my breath a little giddily, I somehow knew I had been changed forever.
It was as if I and everyone else on earth were at the hub of a wheel with a jillion spokes that had no end – but everything else was there too, even the fly landing on the sleeve of my sweater. We were all right in the middle of a Miracle, and always would be forever, even after I died.
In that flash of a child’s vision, I saw how every little thing was connected to the whole BIG thing. As above, so below. The vision lasted but a second, but I knew it was True. I had seen something real. YES.
It has informed my life ever since.
Mind you, over the years it has not been easy to express what I had seen that day to others, neither my family, my teachers, nor most of my friends. I was a lonely girl who ‘talked crazy’ so I learned to keep my mouth shut. But over the years of reading and thinking about what I had learned firsthand, I have learned to find a resonating chord amongst artists, and out in the natural world; I hear it in the perceptions of children and sometimes in old people close to death.
As I have stalked this beast for many years through the grasses of the world, I still want to understand where and how we humans have gotten off the track in our understanding of how the world works. As we have evolved as a species, interbred with one another and with others coming from who knows where, who knows when, who knows how, what has stopped us from expanding out into the deeper soul of conscious existence on this planet? It seems clear that humankind is older than we have been taught to believe, and our story is way stranger than fiction.
Who are we, really? Where are we? What are we supposed to be doing here?
And why in the world are we so afraid of entertaining these mysterious possibilities, so much of the time?
I was 15 when I climbed Mt. Marcy in the Adirondacks with fellow students from the Deerwood Summer Music Camp where I was a student of flute and modern dance, and this was my first ever foray into real wilderness. I can still recall the fragrance of rainwet mud and spicy balsam on the trail as we sank into mud with each footstep, our boots growing heavier and heavier and our legs pulling harder with each step we trod. Until we reached higher ground, we all complained of pain, but we all kept going on the twisting trail anyway and gradually all made it. Each night we slept in one of the lean-tos tucked into the woods for groups like ours, and being a bunch of musicians, we sang made-up songs and laughed a lot and despite everything, got stronger.
I remember the strain on my knees and my thighs as, step by step we climbed higher, treading the twisting trail over knobby roots and descending water, up and up through thick and fragrant forest. For most of a week we headed, day by day, for the summit, and slept beneath the stars by night, curled up on the ground and by the firepit to keep warm together.
I was happier than I had ever been before in my life.
Each day, gaining height, the forest changed as we gradually came into air more open to the sun. Step after step, day by day we climbed higher until the trees thinned out and we left the forested flanks of the mountain behind us, treading on exposed granite that crunched beneath our feet. Now we walked on rock gistening in sunlight, surrounded by a panoramic world spreading out all around us, bathed in bright sun. Range after range of mountains were spread before us, always there but not evident to us before. The world stretched forever with lakes hidden in hollows and whitewater falls surrounded by green forest, ribbons of river threading the green and raptors soaring on thermals in the sun.
The trail was so steep I had to stop every few feet to catch my breath and look down. With every step the view shifted; I could see more, and now more! That lake, below, got smaller as another lake – a smudge of blue amongst the green—came into view, and another! I could now see peaks in a further range not visible before—and then a further range, still hazy on the far horizon.
The world was HUGE!
And this was only one mountain!
The higher I climbed, the more the world spread out in every direction, as the sun gradually got lower in the sky and colors and shadows shifted moment by moment. Headed towards the top where we would be spending the night, we had to keep up our pace and not get caught climbing in the dark. I breathed deeper and kept climbing.
Below, the country was already dark as dusk deepened in the woods below. The sun spread pink and yellow above the tree line and we continued climbing towards the open sky.
Arriving at the summit, we fell down exhausted and gazed out at the brilliant sunset lighting the world and ourselves golden. The sun gradually sank behind the rim of the world far away on our right, while around the far rim of the world on our left, stars began massing in a darkening sky.
I was on top of the world in more ways than one, and I had never felt such ecstasy in my life, bonded forever with those friends I shared this experience of profound grace with, on top of a holy mountain, atop a holy world beneath a sky massed with stars, seeing the world with every sense in my body, not only my eyes and in love with everything and everyone forever.
I was 15 and knew the power of ecstatic vision for the second time in my life. At 11 I had been offered an opening glimpse; now I got to live it, be within it, share it with people I loved!
I was not making this ecstatic vision up! It was real, and true, and when the sun the next morning rose on the other side of the world, I was dumbstruck to realize all over again that everything was in motion—everything large and everything small—and that I was part of the whole miracle of this world; it was all my family.
I knew I would carry with me for the rest of my life this vision of wholeness, wondrousness and ineffable Love, and would look for its trail wherever my days and nights took me. Forever. No matter what; no matter where; no matter how.
MORE TO COME!