I grew up scared. My people were frightened refugees, and my boyfriend was a survivor of the Holocaust. Our lives were shaped by fear, as were our neighbors’, so once I was old enough to leave, I went back to the Old Country to see where I came from. I was also keen to check out all those Medieval Churches with Hell scenes sculpted in stone, showing sinners being pitched into boiling oil by leering devils and hung upside down over Hellfire. I wanted to see for myself that Medieval campaign to scare the wits out of ordinary folks by showing them what happened to sinners who disobeyed the rules. As a habitual outsider to rules, I figured it was a good thing to know what I might be in for!

Anyhow, I had to get a handle on my own fears: of the dark; of bad dreams; of my maturing body and of the madness in my family. So I went off to “study Catholics” as my parents put it, who did not realize that I was actually going off to study myself.

Then came the day a light came on, and I got it that by studying Medieval Art History in France and learning about Christianity, I was also indirectly learning about the Judaism I was brought up with! And I understood that the fear of Death was implicit in both religions, which seemed to be teaching by fear! 


I still shudder to recall those nights of despair in my little featherbed beneath the eaves where I was a nanny in Poitiers, trying to understand death itself, and how I could possibly not exist in this world? Was that what we all were scared of, more than pain, poverty or loneliness? More even than each other? 

 I eventually realized that my fear was of an unthinkable state of ‘not-being’ in which the ‘me’ thinking that thought did not even exist! Erased by Death, there was simply no more thinker – or me!   

That was really scary!

Then I had this dream:

I am walking precariously at the edge of an ocean cliff, the sea stormy beneath me. One careless footstep and I could fall over to be dashed to death on the rocks. Carefully, I place one foot after the other – but then lose my footing, falling precipitously to my death below! But instead of landing on the rocks, I float! I am suspended easily between sea and sky, not dead at all, but no longer bound to the earth. 

I am simply elsewhere…

I trusted this as a teaching dream; that we transform from our solid human bodies at death into transparent forms on a higher level of frequency – like a different station on a radio band – but our minds and memories and awareness remain quite intact.

So as we now ponder the global Coronovirus, the spectre of Death knocking stealthily on all our doors, I am touched by our various human responses, from being collectively terrified, to stocking up on toilet paper, to recognizing the collective nature of our species and indeed, all species. We are in this together, and even though we have been denying that fact for centuries, it is time to take it seriously, and act accordingly.

Why have we humans been sold a bill of goods about competition and war, with jealous Gods meting out punishments and parceling out the earth to colonizers who ‘rule the waves?’ Who made up that fairytale?

 I have no idea, except we know that scared people are controllable people. 

And we are good and scared now, so do be careful!

The reality is that everything in the world, from electrons to galaxies, and all of Life in between, have cycles. Cycling is a pattern of the natural world, so why not us as well? We call our cycles of coming in and out of physical form Birth and Death, but tend to ignore that consciousness, or the Spirit level of our Beings is a background constant within which all phenomena exist. So these bodies we wear for each human lifespan have a finite time in the world, but our consciousness, which belongs to the Universe itself, simply re-joins the Mother Ship and continues on.

I find that rather exciting, like packing up for an adventure on the other side of the world where we just may meet the love of our life! Every moment will be a new surprise, and every mountain we climb will present a whole new vista!

Don’t get me wrong – I love this life, but when it is over, whenever it is my time, I expect I’ll be as excited as I was on my first date with Herb, that tall guy with the soulful eyes who I eventually married.

So, what to do now as we move day by day into the realities of a pandemic? Do we freak out with fear, do we pay no attention, or do we figure there may be something important to learn from all this? And if so, what might that be?

I’d suggest we figure out how to use this dilemma intelligently, because it is way past time in the world to make some basic changes. We can do it, I know.

I received this yesterday, by the author Paul Levy, and it speaks to me, so I will share it with all of you.

“ One of the major symptoms of the coronavirus is that it induces fear – which is known to weaken the immune system, thereby allowing the virus to more easily propagate itself. When fear is collectively mobilized, due to its psychically contagious nature, it takes on a seemingly autonomous and independent life of its own, feeding mass panic that easily turns into a collective psychosis. To see through the illusion of the separate self is at the same time to take away the power that fear has over us (as well as to empower ourselves), for the experience of separation and fear (of “the other”) mutually co-arise, reciprocally reinforcing each other. Genuine compassion (which strengthens the immune system) is the result of this realization.”


Stay safe.

With love, Carolyn